Bai Li’s Dream – Chapter 148

Chapter 148: Let’s Talk About It Again

These words made Zhou Jingyun feel a bit dazed.

At the beginning, because he had to arrange for Madam Zhuang, he let Zhuang Li return to the capital first. He and Zhuang Li barely even saw what each other looked like.

It wasn’t until he finally returned to the capital that the two of them had a chance to be alone together.

Many things happened at that time. Perhaps it was to explain herself, Zhuang Li introduced herself to him, telling him what kind of person she was.

He still remembers her saying “This person is not very good,” born inauspicious, bringing bad luck.

He didn’t believe such words.

“I lied to you back then,” Zhuang Li said. “Besides causing my mother’s death and being seen as inauspicious, I have other strange things about me, which led to me being feared and hated by people since I was young, seen as a monster.”

Strange things? What strange things? Zhou Jingyun didn’t understand.

“Now, through your words, combined with what I’ve learned myself, I probably know what Shen Qing and the others want to do to me,” Zhuang Li said, smiling. “They want my body.”

Wanting her body, these words sounded even stranger. Zhou Jingyun was silent for a moment, thinking of the words Shen Qing had said, that as long as the Empress’s will didn’t die, the Empress’s person could be reborn. He also thought of the face he had seen on Zhuang Li’s face that morning.

“This is absurd!” he said decisively. “Whoever it is, it’s whoever it is. How can a body be taken away!”

“Because I’m different from others,” Zhuang Li said, looking at Zhou Jingyun. “Marquis’s Heir, in fact, what you see now is not really me.”

Zhou Jingyun was astonished. What did she mean by what he saw wasn’t her? Then who was he seeing?

“What you see is the image of Zhuang Li that you unconsciously conceived in your mind based on the characteristics you heard about from others.”

“Other people, the maid Chun Yue, my mother, my family, they all see me as they imagine me to be.”

“If you were to draw the me you see in your eyes, you would see a thousand different faces.”

Zhou Jingyun only felt a buzzing in his ears. How could this be possible? Was what he saw not her real appearance? Did everyone see a different her?

This was too absurd!

She was standing right in front of him, slender, elegant, fair-skinned, with thin eyebrows and cherry lips. How could this not be her?

“It’s me, but it’s not me. You can understand it as my true appearance is covered by a mask. This mask is based on your imagination of me, as well as my guidance of your imagination. For example, I told you that I look a bit like Chun Yue.”

A bit like Chun Yue. Zhou Jingyun subconsciously looked at Zhuang Li. The woman’s face seemed to ripple, clear yet blurry, indeed a bit like that maid…

The thought flashed by, and Zhou Jingyun was startled. He couldn’t help but look away, and Zhuang Li’s voice continued in his ears.

“I was born with an unstable soul, my body and mind empty. Master Zhuang said I was like a mirror, when people look at me, they easily see their own desires.”

“When I was young, because I couldn’t control myself, many people who looked at me were frightened by the greed, anger, and ignorance in their own hearts, going mad and losing control. That’s why it’s said that looking at me brings bad luck, and accidents always happen.”

“After following Master Zhuang, I learned to control my soul. I can make slight adjustments according to others’ thoughts, so as not to scare people crazy all the time.”

“Do you remember the wanted notice from the Censorate that you brought back earlier? Actually…”

Zhuang Li looked at Zhou Jingyun as she said this.

“I look a lot like my sister.”

“But, unless I want to, people can hardly see my true appearance.”

Zhou Jingyun turned his gaze back to her, his expression shocked.

Zhuang Li was still holding his hand, and could feel that Zhou Jingyun’s hand was a little cold.

Earlier, Zhou Jingyun said that Shen Qing had told him some absurd things. Now, what she was telling him was no better than Shen Qing’s.

“Marquis’s Heir, I’m not crazy, and you’re not crazy either. There are indeed strange people and things in this world.”

She said softly, tightening her grip on Zhou Jingyun’s hand.

Feeling the soft warmth of the hand holding his, Zhou Jingyun took a deep breath. “So, Shen Qing and the others want to turn you into… her?”

Because she appeared differently to everyone, they could turn her into Empress Jiang?

This was still too absurd! Even if her appearance changed, she wouldn’t be that person. It would just be turning a fleeting illusion into something more permanent, creating a person who looked like that person to fool the world.

But that person was already dead, gone. Even with the same face, it wouldn’t be her. It would still be an illusion.

Zhuang Li was silent for a moment.

“Yes, and no,” she said. “If I believe I am her, then I am her.”

She believed…

Zhou Jingyun looked at her.

How could she believe she was someone else?

“Because my soul is unstable, others don’t see me as me, and I will also… forget that I am me,” Zhuang Li said softly. “Earlier, I encountered danger, my soul scattered, and I almost couldn’t wake up again.”

✿✿✿

“That old illness?” Zhou Jingyun suddenly asked.

Zhuang Li smiled at him and nodded.

“I thought I was able to wake up because Master Zhuang sacrificed his life to save me,” she said, with a self-deprecating smile. “It turns out that it wasn’t me he sacrificed his life for. He and Shen Qing at that time wanted to turn me into…”

She looked at Zhou Jingyun.

“Empress Jiang.”

“But they didn’t succeed.”

“I’m still me.”

“That surviving younger daughter of the Bai family.”

So that’s why Shen Qing had told him that he was originally going to take Bai Li away. Zhou Jingyun was silent, seeming to understand Zhuang Li’s meaning, but it was really too absurd. His mind was in turmoil.

“So they didn’t succeed last time, and now they want to… again?” he said, looking at Zhuang Li. Suddenly he thought of something and looked at Zhuang Li. “You wrote to Madam Zhuang because… your soul… was unwell?”

After hearing such absurd things, his bewilderment was evident, but he still thought of this matter amidst the chaos… Zhuang Li looked at Zhou Jingyun and nodded. “Yes, you saw… her on my face, and I saw it too.”

Zhou Jingyun knew who she was talking about, and was shocked once again. She saw it too?

“On my face,” Zhuang Li said.

This… Zhou Jingyun felt his thoughts were even more chaotic, and amidst the chaos, he thought of Zhuang Li’s words.

“Didn’t you say that others see what they want to see when they look at you…” he murmured. “If you yourself see yourself becoming someone else…”

Wouldn’t that mean, as she said, she would forget who she was.

Zhuang Li nodded. “Yes, so I knew I had a problem, and I asked Madam Zhuang for help…”

Her voice carried a hint of dejection as she said the words “asked for help.”

He hadn’t expected the letter to be intercepted and Madam Zhuang to be controlled. Zhou Jingyun thought, and suddenly thought of something else. He looked at Zhuang Li. “You knew?”

He also just came back to his senses. Why was it that when he had brought up Madam Zhuang just now, Zhuang Li’s reaction wasn’t to ask? She hadn’t asked a single question, but had rushed over and hugged him, even saying “I thought you were the same as them.”

This clearly meant she knew, and seemed to even think that he…

“I saw it,” Zhuang Li nodded, smiling. “You were holding the letter I wrote to Madam Zhuang, hiding it under a book.”

Zhou Jingyun was astonished, recalling the day he had held the letter Shen Qing had handed him. Because he was too shocked and didn’t know what to do, he had hidden himself in the study. Hearing Zhuang Li suddenly arrive, he had subconsciously hidden the letter…

So she had seen it.

At that time, she had a problem with her body and must have been very anxious, asking several times if the letter had been delivered.

He had said it was delivered, but then she had seen him hiding it.

What would she have thought?

Shock, sadness, anger…

How had she faced him during those days…

Zhou Jingyun’s heart was filled with mixed emotions.

“It was too sudden at the time. When Shen Qing took out the letter, I was shocked. His words were strange, and I didn’t believe him. I just wanted to confirm it myself.”

“I sent Jiang Yun to Dengzhou, thinking I would tell you after I confirmed it. Otherwise, I wouldn’t know what was going on, and you would be panicked after hearing it, and it wouldn’t solve the problem.”

He paused here, looking at the hand still being held by Zhuang Li, and held it back.

“I’m sorry, I made you sad.”

Half a chapter.