Chapter 30
“Ooh la la~ I like you~
“Hey, get lost while I’m still asking nicely.”
Not only did I miss S Man in front of the motel by a hair’s breadth, but I was also caught by some thug who looked like a small fry.
“Wearing a coat that doesn’t suit him at all and even a support belt, this bastard’s gotta be a creepy stalker or a hidden camera pervert, right?”
I couldn’t understand how he came to that conclusion, but the thug stood in front of me like a gatekeeper, boldly filtering out the ugly and the fatties in front of the club.
“I’m a customer too.”
“Customer my a*s. Who does this bastard think he’s fooling? You think I haven’t seen guys like you before? I’ve seen enough of you bastards sneaking into motels like this, installing listening devices and hidden cameras in every room. Get lost while I’m letting you go, if you don’t wanna get thrown out with a broken bone or two.”
I looked the thug up and down. He’s called a thug ’cause he looks like one, but he’s got a pretty impressive physique and height, like he’s been working out.
He’s the type that could break my bones if I mess with him, but I don’t really care about bones. Animal bones are funny because they get stronger when they break and heal.
“Let’s do this. I’ll pay you quietly, and you let me in nicely. I’m busy and don’t have time for this.”
“…Dude, are you crazy?”
The thug looked around, saw that it wasn’t evening yet and the entertainment district was quiet, and growled.
Judging by his clenched fist, he looked like he was itching to throw a punch.
“Let’s be nice to each other. It’s good for you ’cause you can get paid and get customers, and it’s good for me ’cause I can take care of my business. Isn’t that how it works in a capitalist society?”
Jerusalem in the past wasn’t a capitalist society, so those guys who were doing business without Jesus’ permission got beaten up and kicked out, but from the moment they started buying and selling indulgences, Jesus unofficially recognized capitalist society.
Even Jesus acknowledges that it’s not like there has to be only faith where there are people.
People need money and bread to have the leisure to kneel in front of the cross and farm faith, right?
“D*mn it, I was holding back because the bosses told me to these days…You asked for this, you bastard.”
“Just take quadruple the paaaaay?!”
A fist like a rock flew into my face, hitting my jaw squarely. Maybe because my mouth was open when I got hit, a few of my teeth, not properly secured, fell out.
Not stopping there, the thug grabbed me by the collar, lifted me up, and slammed me to the ground with a half-turn.
My body, slammed onto the hard asphalt road, first felt the pain shooting up my spine and the back of my skull, and my limbs started shaking like a frog that’s been electrocuted.
I guessed it was a concussion shock, with the nerves in my spine being compressed, causing acute lower back pain. There would be other minor sprains, bruises, and muscle fiber tears as well.
Both my life and my body, Han Dae-ri is always full of problems.
That’s why I had constant trouble with people around me when I was working. Who would want to be friends with someone who’s always got problems?
‘Come to think of it, I’ve had a lot of problems since I was a kid.’
I tried to control my anger, but I couldn’t, so I ended up causing trouble, spawning problems like a frog laying eggs.
I was a damn walking problem-birthing machine.
“Sigh, why are there so many people in the world who love money, but when you try to give them money, they won’t take it?”
I like it, you like it, everyone likes it.
Isn’t money like a tight p*ssy that all men want to f*ck at least once?
Then is the guy standing in front of me, lifting his pillar-like leg to crush me, a eunuch? I didn’t think so.
‘Come to think of it, if you have too much testosterone, you can become a seedless watermelon. I guess I lacked understanding.’
I told the eunuch I’d give him some tight p*ssy if he’d let me in. Of course, the thug would have been pissed. I’d probably lose in court.
Thud!
The foot that plunged into my unguarded abdomen felt like it was going to tear and break the peritoneum and abdominal muscles covering my soft organs. It plunged in so hard that I felt like the kongnamul gukbap I had eaten in the morning was coming back up.
The only fortunate thing is that I didn’t eat mint chocolate cake. If I had, mint chocolate energy waves would be pouring out of my mouth right now.
“You f*cking bastard! Damn you! Son of a b*tch! Who do you think you’re fooling!!!”
Thud! Thud! Thud!
Even from Han Dae-ri’s omniscient point of view, the violence raining down on the helpless opponent was a bit excessive.
Then suddenly, I wanted to try a legendary line that only old farts know, so I grabbed the thug’s foot with my trembling hand.
“Stop it… It’s too much… man……”
“You crazy bastard!!!!!!”
I was just trying to imitate a line that was in the TOP 15 Most Memorable Lines on YouTube’s algorithm, d*mn it.
The thug finally stopped, panting, after kicking me for a while longer. Thinking that all he had to do was throw me in the trash and his job would be done, he picked me up, battered and bruised.
“Can I go inside now?”
“Gasp!”
The thug fell back in shock as I dusted off my dirty coat.
Is it too gay to say ‘fell on his a*s’ when describing a man falling backwards? I’ll have to say ‘his lower body collapsed’ from now on, for gender equality.
Jesus loves everyone, but he doesn’t love gays.
“You, you you…how……?”
“I think I should get some compensation for this. Can I go in for free instead of getting compensation?”
The thug managed to get up, still in shock, as I popped my dislocated jaw back into place with one hand.
I took a step closer, arms spread, wondering if he wanted to go another round.
“Jesus said, if someone slaps you on the left cheek, offer the right cheek also. That’s how you get more compensation. If I slap someone on the left cheek after being slapped on my left cheek, it’s the right thing to do according to Hammurabi’s Code, but according to Jesus’ Roman Court Winning Strategy, it’s considered mutual assault, so there’s nothing to gain.”
The funny thing is that Jesus didn’t win in Roman court either, but he was executed and then resurrected, so it is a winning strategy. It doesn’t matter how you get there, as long as you’re the final winner.
“Would you like to slap my left cheek one more time to get me excited? Or would you stop the physical foreplay and let me into that brothel-like motel? Oh, that sounded a bit gay, so just ignore it.”
“Mon, monster……!”
“Next, you’ll say ‘Get out of our motel right now, you monster!'”
“Get out of our motel right now, you monster!”
“But I refuse.”
It was about time S Man took the girl to a room and got down to business, so I grabbed the thug’s hair like a weed and pressed it down.
The tall, powerful man knelt before me, powerless.
“I was like you once. A troublemaker who couldn’t control his anger and caused problems. But I graduated from that when I became an adult. I don’t need to take meds anymore.”
Reading the Bible of Gratitude once a day, the Lord’s Prayer once a day, and a hymn once a day!
When I repeated this without fail every day, my anger subsided, and I realized that people shouldn’t be swept away by anger and should judge and act rationally.
So the fact that I have knuckles on my hand right now is not due to anger, and it’s also a rational decision to punch the face of the thug who’s trembling like a wet dog.
“Don’t worry too much, you’ll go to Heaven if you die, and if you don’t die, it means Jesus sent you back to live a little longer, so always be grateful.”
Don’t doubt it, it’s all part of Jesus’ plan.
Bam!
I dusted off my hands after crushing the thug’s face with one punch. My finger bones were crushed, but that’s not my problem.
These days, moms are going crazy, saying they’re raising their kids tough by not giving them medicine or vaccines, so I guess I’ll grow strong if I don’t go to the hospital.
The world only remembers the final winner.
I dragged the face-crushed thug to an alley and tossed him there, then went into the motel and leaned against the counter.
“Tell me which room key you gave to the couple that just came in, or I’ll be singing ‘Silent Night, Holy Night’ all night long. Let’s see if couples in a country with a birth rate of less than 0.5 will still come to this motel.”
“R-Room 701…”
“Unlike the guy outside, you’re easy to talk to. What’s the service since you’re letting me in?”
“We have, condoms. 0.03mm ultra-thin…”
“Throw them all away. They’re the culprits behind Korea’s low birth rate. Or poke holes in each one with a needle.”
More babies need to be born and die to fill up Heaven. Damn rubber-selling bastards.
I tossed the condom box, which the counter staff carefully handed me, into the hallway trash can and got on the elevator.
S Man must be putting a 0.03mm ultra-thin condom on his S Pen by now. I hope it’s not too late.
