Chapter 32

Vuvuzela. I like vuvuzelas. Because it’s a very useful item besides bursting the other person’s eardrums.

“The viciousness of the vuvuzela is well known for the South African World Cup held more than a decade ago. It was said that if angels have a trumpet of destruction that can destroy the world, humans have vuvuzelas.”

Reveal the Emperor, Reveal the Emperor

Polo reveals his identity

Pāluāṇī reveals the emperor

Bodhisattva

Aje Aje↗ Bara Aje↘ Bara Seung Aje↗

Moji Sabaha↗

I tied Seon-yeong, who was possessed by an evil spirit, tightly to the bed. In the meantime, she kept trying to cling to me with her body covered in dirty bodily fluids, so I played the Heart Sutra Remix on YouTube to slow her down.

“Vuvuzelas are actually not that great of an instrument. No, it’s more of a tactical eardrum-destroying weapon than an instrument. The important thing is that it deals a huge blow to the opponent’s mind. If humans have a mind, why wouldn’t ghosts or demons?”

Mahaprajna Paramita Heart Sutra

Mahaprajna Paramita Heart Sutra

Maha Banya Baramilda Simgyeong↑ Maha Banya Baramilda Simgyeong↑

“You don’t have to worry too much. The vuvuzela I bought at Daiso is less than half as powerful as the real one used in South Africa. I read an internet review that said that the deep, rich sound that comes from the depths is less than expected because of the plastic material. Yeah, your eardrums won’t burst, but you might get hearing loss.”

Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva

After walking in the deep Prajnaparamita for a long time, I saw that the five aggregates are all empty.

All hardships

Gwanjajae Bosal↗ Haengsim Banya Baramildasi↗ Jogyeon Oon Gae Gongdo↘ Ilchae Goaeg↗

“It’s hard for me if you keep moving. This is the only coat I have, so if it gets dirty, I have to stop by the coin laundry again. So let’s finish this cleanly, in a relationship that’s not dirty. Like a girlfriend who breaks up with her boyfriend in the military with a single text message.”

Relics are not empty in color

Emptiness is not different from form. Form is emptiness.

Empty is color

The same goes for feeling, thinking, and knowing.

Sarija Saekburigong↑ Gongburisaek Saekjeuksi Gong↗ Gongjeuksi Saek↘ Susanghaengsik Yeokbuyeosi↑

“Let’s see…How to deal with a female lustful ghost attached to a man’s body……”

At some point, the sealed ancient book unfolded with a clatter and showed the page where the method of dealing with lustful ghosts was written in detail.

It is said that a lustful ghost is a person who was obsessed with s*x in a previous life, whose conduct was not proper, whose nature was lewd, and who had s*x with many men or women, and who could not let go of their attachment to s*x even after death and wanders the world.

Or, on the contrary, it is said that it could be a person who has never had s*x in their entire life, a person who died without ever taking off their bachelor or virgin label, with only a tremendous longing for s*x.

Lustful ghosts, which are largely divided into two categories, must be dealt with in different ways. In the former case, they are simply obsessed with s*x and cannot control themselves, so the exorcist must forcibly control them as if grabbing the hair of a possessed person. Specifically, it is to destroy the medium that causes s*x or to use a very strong shock therapy so that they cannot even think about s*x.

In the latter case, the feeling of injustice and resentment that they did not experience s*x in their lifetime is stronger than the longing for s*x, so they need to be comforted through professional counseling. Most beings who wander the world out of resentment or lingering attachment have a strong tendency to want someone to listen to their story and fulfill their wishes, so the approach must be different.

“That’s what it says.”

Relics, all dharmas are empty, neither born nor destroyed

Not dirty, not pure, neither increasing nor decreasing, that’s why the sky is colorless

Sarija Sijebeop Gongsang

Bulsaeng Bulmyeol↗ Bulgubujeong Bujeungbulgam Sigo Gongjungmusaek↘

“You…look like you’re just crazy about s*x, so I don’t think professional counseling is necessary. I didn’t major in psychology anyway.”

What I’m holding is a vuvuzela, not a psychology textbook.

“Do you like SM play? I like it too! Tie me tighter and pull harder! F*ck me harder and hit me harder!”

“Nothing wrong with that.”

It’s your turn, vuvuzela. Show me the high spirit of South Africa!

Pooooooooooooooo!

When I shoved the vuvuzela into this b*tch’s”fake p*ssy”, which is a medium for s*x, it made a loud noise.

“Goodaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

At that time, I heard a knock, knock, knock from outside. The pizza I ordered in advance had arrived.

“One regular potato bacon pizza with a pack of 100 chili hot sauces…is that correct?”

“That’s correct.”

The deliveryman handed me the pizza and the pack of 100 chili hot sauces, sweating profusely. He must have been terrified by the sound of screams penetrating the hallway through the motel’s soundproofing system.

I quickly handed him 20,000 won and sent the deliveryman back, then approached the vuvuzela, which was still emitting a chilling beat.

“It says to destroy the medium of s*x or to give a very strong shock so that they can’t even think about s*x.”

No feelings, no thoughts, no consciousness, no eyes, ears, nose, tongue, body and mind, no color, sound, fragrance, touch, no vision or even the unconscious world.

Mususanghaengsik Muanibiseolsinui↑ Musaekseonghyangmichukbeop

Muan’gye Naeji Mui’sikggye↓

I poured the 500ml cola that came with the pizza into S Man’s mouth. After all, what a guy who’s been sucked dry needs is the king of sugar, Pepsi Cola, right?

As expected, S Man responded immediately.

“Ugh! Cough! Not enough…carbonation!”

“It’s the Pepsi you chose. Endure it with evil and perseverance.”

“Gurgle…Cough! More, more sweet…Give me Coca-Cola!”

“How can you be asking for expensive Coca-Cola when the Korean economy is so bad? This is why S Man is no good.”

After forcing the entire bottle of Pepsi Cola, which lacked carbonation, down S Man’s throat, I slapped him on the cheeks.

As soon as he regained his senses, he realized he was naked and hurriedly started getting dressed. Anyone would think he’s a married woman who cheated on her husband while drunk.

“F*cking…What the h*ll is going on…I was definitely……”

“You got tangled up with a s*itty guy, pressed the wrong button, and almost died. Calm down and replenish your lacking yang energy. I ordered pizza.”

S Man, who had become extremely thin due to excessive e*aculation, rushed to the savory potato bacon pizza without hesitation.

He almost died, so his attachment to life must be that much stronger. If I were him, I’d want to stuff anything down my empty stomach, whether it’s Pepsi Cola or pizza.

“Listen while you eat. You had s*x with a transgender today.”

When I said that while squeezing chili hot sauce into an empty cola bottle, S Man, who was devouring the pizza, looked back at me.

“What the….Ugh! That b*tch! No, doesn’t that b*tch look like a woman no matter how you look at her?!”

“She looks like a woman on the outside. But she had transgender surgery and f*cked a lot of guys like you. Check her ID card. The last digit of her resident registration number starts with 1.”

S Man, who checked the ID card I threw at him, made a face as if he was about to vomit, but he still chewed and swallowed the pizza. His hunger was greater than his nausea.

“Th, this f*cking b*tch…no! This f*cking b*stard!”

“Your anger is perfectly justified, so I understand. But in the end, he’s a victim too. He ended up like that because a female lustful ghost attached to him.”

“Then…did you follow us from the street because you knew that?”

“Why else would I be laying a mat on the street when I’m not a beggar? I was looking for any bastards going to heaven by believing in Jesus, and you guys caught my eye.”

“Sob! I didn’t know that and suspected you at the cafe!”

S Man bowed his head to me, sniffling. I patted S Man’s shoulder and did what Jesus should have done.

“If you admit your sin and ask for forgiveness, that’s enough. Jesus forgives the deviant behavior of guys like you whose brains are attached to their dicks. But he doesn’t forgive gays.”

“Wait, I had s*x with a man…does that mean!”

“If you knew and did it, you would also be g*y and couldn’t avoid going to h*ll, but since you didn’t know, you can barely repent and be saved. I’ll be your witness, so will you believe in Jesus and go to heaven?”

“I will go to heaven!”

“Do you swear you’ll never have s*x with a man again?”

“I swear!”

“Then you’re going to heaven too.”

I made the sign of the cross towards S Man, who was kneeling on the floor and banging his head, and handed him the pack of chili hot sauce that was still quite full.

“Now open all of these and put them in the cola bottle.”

“This is……?”

“It’s true that Jesus forgave you and gave you a chance to go to heaven, but what matters is whether you have the will to do so. Think of it as the final test.”

Pooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Let’s show the b*tch who’s still crazy about s*x and out of control back there the harsh reality.”

“…I’ll help.”

“Then, starting now, we’ll begin the exorcism in earnest. In this place, you are my deacon.”

“Are you…a priest?”

“No. But I’m kind of like his subcontractor.”

If exorcists tie up one possessed person and perform exorcism for days, sometimes months, to barely send one person to heaven, I’m like a Coupang Man who delivers to heaven with rocket delivery.

“Are you ready?”

“I’m ready.”

We, who had filled the empty cola bottle with the pack of 100 chili hot sauces, stood in front of the b*tch who was making noise pollution with the vuvuzela as if the motel was about to collapse.

I placed my hand on S Man’s forehead and gave him a blessing.

“If you believe in Jesus, your S Pen will become an L Pen. Do you believe?”

“I believe. Amen.”

With all preparations complete, we shook the cola bottle with solemn expressions in a solemn atmosphere.

Chaka chaka chaka chaka chaka chaka!

The dark red chili hot sauce mixing inside the cola bottle was a special Buldak sauce developed to satisfy the masochistic taste buds of Koreans. It was a vicious sauce with no chili in it but named chili hot sauce.

As if she didn’t know her future, the lustful ghost seductively stuck out her tongue and twirled it like a screw, trying to lure us.

But we weren’t gays who get excited by men, so it wasn’t our lower bodies that were getting blood flow, but our fists.

“Deacon. This b*tch is acting up, so sprinkle holy water on her.”

“Yes.”

S Man, who opened the sealed cola bottle with a refreshing sound, lightly sprinkled the chili hot sauce on the lustful ghost’s face.

The lustful ghost, who thought the dark red sauce being sprinkled on her face was bukkake（facial c*mshot） play, opened her eyes wide and her mouth wide like a hippopotamus.

And exactly one second passed after the thick chili hot sauce stuck to her nose, mouth, eyes, and every mucous membrane there was.

“Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

After confirming the definite effect, S Man and I started spraying holy water like crazy, surrendering ourselves to the moktak beat of the Heart Sutra Remix.