Chapter 6
That day, I terminated the lease on my youth rental housing and disposed of all my possessions.
I withdrew all the money in my bank account in 50,000 won bills, neatly stacked them in a large duffel bag, packed the bare minimum of clothes and necessities, and left my beloved home.
To ensure no one in the world could trace my existence, I thoroughly destroyed my personal computer containing personal information. Before leaving the house, I called a cleaning service to clean everything up.
I opened my wallet and took out my ID card with a youthful picture of me and a family photo taken when I was much younger.
Ah, Assistant Manager Han. You’re not even an assistant manager anymore, yet you’re still clinging to the past.
I crushed the specially coated plastic ID card in my hand, smashed it to pieces, and flushed it down the drain.
I also tore up the old memory of me, a snot-nosed kid, holding my parents’ hands and frowning for a photo in front of the church.
The faded photograph, which I had carried with me for nearly 20 years, was no longer a link to my parents. It was just a byproduct of the past that would stubbornly hold me back.
“If they were alive, they would have come to see me.”
My parents always made me skip dinner and copy Bible verses as punishment when I misbehaved.
But I still know that they always made time for me on weekends and became Santa Claus on Christmas, leaving presents by my bedside.
If I hadn’t fought with my friend at school that day, if I hadn’t run out disrespectfully while being scolded by my parents and teachers, if I hadn’t been spending time alone far from home late at night…
Would my life be much different now?
“Ironically, that too was a choice.”
I’m sick of this world where even a childish act of a child who knows nothing and can’t even control his mental illness is considered a ‘choice’.
Because my childhood self made that choice, I lost my parents, grew up as an orphan, moved from one relative’s house to another, feeling unwanted, and eventually messed up my social life?
If such a s*itty fate is G*d’s will, I will gladly deny it again and again.
I didn’t flush the torn picture down the drain. Instead, I walked all the way to the Han River and scattered the fragments of old memories towards the pitch-black river, where a chilly autumn wind was blowing.
There is nothing left for the human Han Dae-ri.
Come to think of it, I quit my job, but the title Assistant Manager Han is quite nice. Doesn’t it make you look like an expert when you have a specific job title defined by society?
I buttoned up my coat, pulled my hat down low, and crept into the city with its dazzling night view, where the night had fallen deep.
‘I’m far behind them.’
The exorcist priest and deacon, who tracked down my actions and thought process while I was possessed and rampaging through the city, arrived at the bar ahead of me and were waiting.
They hadn’t secured the CCTV footage, but they linked me to the serial murders through the initial testimony of the pub owner and eventually succeeded in tracking me down. They were experts who were always one step ahead.
Although their exorcism couldn’t erode my mind and beliefs, I don’t deny that they were very skilled.
They even figured out my identity, which even the police couldn’t, and acted one step ahead of me, so their experience, connections, and information in this field must be incredibly strong.
I never expected the bar master to be close to the priests, let alone that he would secretly spike my drink with holy water at their behest.
They’re truly amazing.
That’s why they can preach the will of their great G*d with their own righteous beliefs and faith.
So I must learn from them.
‘Right now, I’m just an ordinary person. I lack the knowledge, experience, and connections in this field.’
I haven’t even secured the minimum foundation for my future activities.
Ah, but there’s one thing I’m better at than them.
I could distinguish sinners among the countless people walking the streets of the brightly lit city.
Those who committed minor sins, those who committed grave sins, those who will commit sins in the future, those who will live their lives as virtuous people, puppets who are possessed by something and struggling against their will, those who aren’t even human.
I stood still in the heart of the crowd, observing the diverse human landscape and recording their commonalities and differences.
When this seemingly endless task was over, the faint dawn was approaching, and there were no more people on the streets.
Soon, the morning sun would rise and the office workers’ rush hour would begin, but I didn’t want to stand in the middle of the street again, repeating the tedious work of recording and classifying.
Because I had a rough idea.
Just like researching market information before starting a business, I also have a mountain of things to learn before jumping into this field.
I left the bustling downtown without hesitation, not wanting to waste a single second, and headed to a large library, one of the largest in Seoul.
By the time I arrived on foot, it was already morning, and the library doors were open.
There, I crept to a secluded spot that wouldn’t be popular with people and began reading books on various religions and history.
I don’t know when my reading speed became so fast, but it only took me about 10 minutes to read a thick book. I read the next book, and then the next.
After I finished reading all the books piled up next to me, I brought new ones.
The librarian at the counter was looking at me with a puzzled look, but I didn’t care and kept reading.
Fundamentally, what is religion? What is the history of people that stemmed from or has deep connections with religion? I read, without taking a breath, about how historical figures thought of religion and how society as a whole accepted religion, step by step.
The primitive religions at the dawn of human history did not worship a distinct g*d.
For example, they didn’t name the g*d of lightning Zeus, they didn’t call the g*d of wisdom Odin, and they didn’t praise the mother of all things Gaia.
Ancient people, who were busy making a living day by day, worshipped natural disasters or the blessings of nature themselves as gods and held festivals for abundance. Naturally, there were also acts of sacrificing offerings to appease nature’s wrath, the opposite of the festivals for abundance.
In other words, even G*d, who has the most believers on Earth, was not the first g*d in history.
From a Christian perspective, G*d created the heavens and the earth in the beginning, formed all things, and called that place the Garden of Eden. He created the first human male in his own image from the dust of the ground.
Adam, the first human and male, born this way, felt lonely and longed for a companion. G*d took one of his ribs and created Eve（Eve）, the first woman and mother.
G*d said,”Adam and Eve, you may eat from any tree in the Garden of Eden, but there is one tree you must not eat from: the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.”
Adam and Eve bowed their heads to their great Creator and Father, G*d, and promised to do so. However, there was already an imperfect being in the perfect Garden of Eden.
One was the forbidden fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, and the other was an evil serpent waiting for an opportunity to push humans into the abyss of evil.
The serpent first tempted Eve to take the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, and then made Eve tempt Adam to take it again.
Adam and Eve, who had no knowledge of ‘good’ and ‘evil’ because they had not eaten the fruit, were deceived by the serpent’s cunning tongue and committed a great sin.
Paradoxically, they easily fell into the abyss of evil because they lacked the knowledge and wisdom to distinguish between good and evil.
Because their great Creator and Father did not teach Adam and Eve how to distinguish between good and evil.
He merely gave them an inexplicable command not to take the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
Thus, the story of Adam and Eve, the first humans expelled from the Garden of Eden, extends from the Old Testament to the New Testament and even to modern society.
I closed the last page of the Bible that Father Seong had, feeling once again the contradictory nature of G*d and the absurdity of the world, and went in search of other knowledge to understand it.
Surely there must be a good reason why G*d did so.
I must search and search and search again. Otherwise, I too will stumble at some point and fall into a contradictory being. Imperfection is the greatest weakness.
“Excuse me…”
“Yes?”
“It’s almost closing time. I’m sorry, but you need to leave soon.”
At the librarian’s cautious request, I finally checked my smartphone with a half-broken screen.
The battery was still fully charged because I didn’t use it much, but it was almost 10 PM. That meant I had been reading books here all day.
“I apologize. I’ll just organize the books and leave.”
“No, no. I’ll organize them as the librarian, so don’t worry about it.”
The librarian gave me a slightly disgusted look and hinted that I should leave quickly, so I left the library, leaving the mountain of books for her to organize.
It’s still not enough.
I need to know more.
I need to practice and become an expert through many experiences.
Otherwise, I, like Father Seong who couldn’t break my faith, would surely become a mute fool.
A single man in a coat carrying a duffel bag containing tens of millions of won would definitely look like an uncommon breed even in Seoul. In other words, it means I look like an easy target to rob.
As proof, I was about to pass through an alley between commercial buildings when I encountered a group of high school students smoking.
“Hey, mister. Come here and open your bag.”
“Dude, he looks like a homeless person. Do you think he has anything?”
“Those homeless people usually carry a lot of stuff.”
“Yeah, the homeless guy we robbed last time had tons of booze and cigarettes in his bag.”
“I was craving a drink. This is perfect.”
Even in the darkness, I could see the sins of the delinquent students approaching me, snickering.
Actually, seeing sins doesn’t mean I can see what they’ve done. It just means that the deeper, the more, and the longer they carry a dark and sticky aura, the bigger sinners they are.
I detected a considerable amount of sin from these guys who hadn’t even gotten their IDs yet.
“Hey, mister. Quickly open your ba…gaaaah!”
I threw a punch without warning, and my knuckles stung from the unfamiliar action.
One of the delinquents, hit by the surprise attack, fell back, and the others rushed at me haphazardly.
I was kicked, punched, slammed against the wall by a body slam, but I didn’t stop.
Even though my nose was bleeding and the skin on my knuckles was peeled off, even though my whole body ached as if my bones were cracked, I fought silently.
“Aaargh! Aaargh! This f*cking b*stard, why won’t he…….”
“Is this guy drunk? He won’t go down no matter how much we hit him!”
“How can a drunk guy fight! Just stomp him!”
You guys stomp. I’ll stomp too.
After a frantic exchange of stomping on each other, I stood before them with a swollen face and blood dripping from my nose.
The guys collapsed in front of me, groaning and looking at me with fearful eyes.
But the beings you should truly fear are not me, but the poor victims you’ve sinned against and tormented.
And that great G*d who judges you guys on Judgment Day.
“Hey.”
“Ugh…urk!”
I grabbed the hair of the guy with the biggest sin among the delinquents.
“Do you want to d*e by my hand, or believe in Jesus?”
