Chapter 8
“CANADA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Crack! Crrrruuunch! Fwoosh! Splaaaash!
From the end of the twisted and broken arm, squeezed like a dry rag, dark red blood gushed out.
“The magic spell isn’t working, d*mn it.”
I should have come up with my own plausible spell if I knew this would happen.
My mangled arm was freed from the intense pressure and returned to my control, but it had already transformed into a small, unsightly arm, smaller than a three-year-old child’s, so it didn’t mean much.
But this too shall pass. Even Jesus-nim was nailed to the cross, mocked, and pierced in the side with a spear, suffering pain that seemed like it would never end.
But in the end, didn’t he succeed in resurrecting after three nights and four days of holding on? Of course, I heard that Thomas, one of the 12 apostles who never bought into the Jesus coin, insisted on looking into the hole in Jesus-nim’s side, and finally, after he believed, Jesus-nim ascended.
So what I’m trying to say is that even this desperate situation is not eternal.
Eternity itself represents the extreme of uncertainty. Because no one knows how it will end or how it will change, ‘the end’ and ‘eternity’ are the two ultimate extremes themselves.
Unfortunately, in this material world, only the end exists, so eternity must be sought in H*ll or Heaven.
For example, even if cockroaches, spiders, centipedes, grasshoppers, and fleas crawl out of the entire building and approach me every moment…
Knowing that only the end exists, not eternity, I cried out.
“River-like peace to me! River-like peace to me! Riveeeeer-liiiike peaaaace to meeeeeeee!”
Scuttling, scuttling, scuttling … If you don’t want to have a square jaw, we should all practice good eating habits.
According to my metaphysical, yet incomplete, unhealthy, and illogical assumptions, it is very bad to chew something with your upper and lower teeth perfectly aligned. If you have such a structure with teeth and jaw joints that constantly collide, it will not only have a negative impact on your facial muscles, but there is also a risk of significant damage to the teeth due to the strong biting force.
Dr. Soldier76, a renowned dentist in the United States, said that meticulous care of teeth and jaw joints is the first step to taking care of your health.
There’s no need to ask what good it is to have clean teeth and strong jaw joints in front of a lump of bugs that won’t go down no matter how much you chew. Because everyone knows that.
That loser is muttering to himself again with common knowledge that everyone else knows. He’s creepy. I wish he would just leave our village.
Can I truly feel river-like peace? If I go to the river and wash myself, the river water will become dirty instead of me becoming clean, so strictly speaking, that’s not river-like peace. It can be called pollution-like peace.
Then, if I enjoy a picnic by the river and appreciate the scenery, can I achieve river-like peace through healing my mind?
Then why does everyone dive into the Han River when their life gets a little tough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When did Jesus-nim say to rest in peace in the river, he said to enjoy river-like peace!
Actually, it wasn’t Rest In Peace, but River In Peace! Wow, what an unexpected twist! S*x, s*x, p*ssy hair!
I am a firefly crawling into the mouth. I have no friends, but I’m a clueless b*stard who crawls in anyway. A worthless bug that’s worse than dog s*it, never invited to a birthday party or thrown one.
March together! Let the sound of the trumpet reach from the heavens to the ends of the earth! Anyone who retreats will be executed! I’m the brother-in-law!
Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, those d*mn bastards were living happily ever after. Those cunning things didn’t even know their mother was dying and were only eating delicious food among themselves. And the meat they gave me, it was stir-fried earthworms! Oh, how I miss my departed husband! I can’t remember them all because there were so many husbands who slept in the same bed with me!
But!
A real man like me once had a tight grip on the marketplace like a kid’s balls, so didn’t this country prosper because of talented people like me? Huh? Then they should be rewarding me, but why did this son of a b*tch crawl in here? Oh, it’s so much fun! Buddha-nim, high five! Raise your hand, you d*mn monk!
Giggle Thud! Rumble rumble thud! Ta-daaa! Hey, everyone in the neighborhood, listen! I’ve been living here for a long time, and a little guy came and threw ashes on the banquet table! I quickly ran out and showed him some beatboxing as an example! Everyone, one! Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa! Everyone, two! Do you know, do you?
I shouldn’t have done that back then. That d*mn thing talked back to my heavenly husband like a wildcat. It was sassy, but on the other hand, I thought democracy in this country was dead. I can’t even express how I felt at that time! My family collapsed! Society collapsed! My heart collapsed! And that b*tch’s head collapsed!
Ooooooh, deep in the ocean, concrete!
Square, square fish food!
You got caught acting up when you didn’t know your place!
Square, square fish food!
Dragged away by the gang and concreted!
Square, square fish food!
“Square, square fish food!”
Square, square fish food~ Square, square fish food~ Square, square fish food~
Square, square!
Fish food!
“Beep beep beep beep beep!”
Oh! I’m ready! My beat drops like a Fat Man! Cut and extend, drop the beat!
Swish! Swish swish! Swish! D*mn! Swish! F*ck! Swish swish! Roma! Swish swish!
The feeling of cold metal ripping through my stomach is smoother than a woman’s skin and tears me apart like a fading love! Ohhhhh! Eternal friend! Ohhhhh! Happy heart!
Oh!
After realizing that dipping Oreos in milk is a sin worthy of death, it was too late. Can you hear it? The mournful cry of Oreo, left with only ‘Oh Oh’ because the ‘Re’ was eaten?
They must always be together. If you dip Oreos in milk, a terrible melting incident occurs where you can’t even find the original shape. But if you put an Oreo on your attractive tongue and chew it with your cute teeth, Oreo can finally enjoy a stable retirement as an ㅇㅗㄹㅔㅇㅗ. If I deep kiss you, it will definitely taste like Oreo.
Stand up! Stand up, Assistant Manager Han! （ Heroic music plays ）
There you are, Assistant Manager Han. The things you’ve done since quitting your job have caused a lot of trouble. If you choose to believe in Jesus, I will s*oot you, and if you don’t, I will make you a cripple. Now, which side is Heaven and which side is H*ll?
Beep! The door on your right will open. Right is right. （ Nods coolly ）
Surprisingly, the right door has an area the size of one right door. I’m telling you this just this once because I thought you all wouldn’t know. （ Winks and exits ）
Umst-tums! Umst-tums! Poots-oop ha! Chiki-chiki boom! Yo, listen, listen, I can’t listen! （ 52, listen, listen, I can’t listen to you. ）
You, who walked in so confidently! Now you’re destined to d*e miserably! If you d*e here, there’s no soup for you! If you decompose here, there are no bones left!
What I wanted to be was a child full of dreams! But the world shamelessly abused children! I, tormented by the violence of reality! I d*e as an a*ult, never able to become a child full of dreams!
Actually, that kid is Hyun-seok’s daughter. So what if your wife has an affair when she’s lonely? Why are you so petty as a husband? It’s good that she’s pretty and doesn’t look like you! If you can’t avoid it, enjoy it, don’t you know that saying?! How ignorant! You’re from Seongseong-han! I’m from Seoyeon-go! Don’t you know that even if we have the same last name, we’re in different classes?! Honestly, you have to admit it, right? Oh, you admit it~ Do you know how to write the Chinese character for”admit”? Ha! You’re such a humanities major!
S*x.
“Let’s all sing together! Hymn 301! All the way through!”
All the way through, it’s G*d’s great grace~ （Grace~）
G*d’s boundless love, how can I express it~ （Express it~）
Day and night, G*d’s hand always watches over us~ （Watches over us~）
All things prosper in the Lord~ （Prosper~）
My bodyyyy and my mind are weaaaaak
But I received new strength and I liveeeeeeee
“G*d’s grace is sufficient! Is it sufficient?!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
It is sufficientttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
“Hallelujah! Oh, Hallelujah! HalleluYeah!”
Come before the Lord Jesus! Bugs, come out! Ghosts, come out! Han Dae-ri, come out! Let’s all shout the hymn!
“You! Me! We! This means the Father! The Son! And the Holy Spirit! Do you believe in Jesus-nim?!”
I believeeeeeeeeeeeeee
“I can’t hear youuuu~!”
Yes, yes, Assistant Manager Han-nim!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Then come forward one by one and show me your passports, comrades.”
The first to come out was an old man with a shabby and worn appearance. I stamped his passport with the ‘Heaven’ seal.
“Always pray for Comrade Father Jesus.”
“Oh, thank you, sir!”
“I will always be watching you, comrade.”
The comrades with the ‘Heaven’ stamp on their empty passports jumped for joy and boarded the plane to Heaven. They seemed to know that although the direction was different from the father of the next-door childhood friend who went to America, the destination was the same.
“Do you regret beating your wife to death?”
“I regret it.”
“Then you too, stand up!”
I stamped the ‘Heaven’ seal on him, who had jumped to his feet, with pride.
“Do you regret cheating on your husband and getting caught? Then let’s say sorry to your husband who might still be alive.”
“Y-y-y…you crazy b*stard, you did it first!”
“Do you really want to go to the correctional facility, comrade?”
“I’m sorry, honey!”
“Then you too are going to Heaven! Go before the Lord Jesus and swear that you will never commit adultery again! Shed tears to prove your purity before him!”
“Gladly!”
The innocent child who had to d*e as an a*ult without fulfilling his dream came before me.
“You are pitiful and unfortunate. But judging by your looks, you wouldn’t have achieved your dream even if you had pursued it. Will you repent of your sin of taking your anger out on others after dying because of your futile dream?”
“Cabby-cab-shong~”
“But the chance for Heaven is still alive, kid. Watch closely.”
I stamped his forehead with the ‘You Did Heaven’ seal.
“Go directly to Jesus-nim who made you that way and inquire about A/S. Next!”
Finally, I lined up the gangster who was concreted and thrown into the sea and the gangster who once ruled the marketplace.
The thugs, who looked alike, were arguing about who was greater. I retorted that no matter how much those with nothing argued about strength, they were no match for Power Jesus-nim.
“You guys, who once ruled the world of fists, must know him. The man named Nazareth.J.Christ. He has many famous nicknames, such as Nazareth Monkey Wrench, Jerusalem Whip Master, Longinus Spear Maker, and so on. But the most famous nickname is, of course, Jesus Christ. Can you be the brave Peter who draws his sword for Jesus? Can you be as bold as Judas who had the audacity to cut ties with him?”
“Yes!”
“Nothing’s impossible!”
“Then you too are going to Heaven. Try your best to become his new disciples.”
When I stamped the last seal, I opened my eyes in the abandoned building where sunlight was streaming in.
“Spit!”
Only after spitting out the bugs that were filling my mouth could I get up with a disheveled look.
