My Replacement Fiancée, the Saint’s “Failure” of a Sister, Is Acting Strange – Chapter 12

Chapter 12: The Shape of a Dream – 2
ㅤ
ㅤI remember how my father looked when my mother passed away. My great father, who was always dignified, was like a lifeless doll, dazedly shedding tears and calling my mother’s name over and over again. I was still young and couldn’t fully comprehend my mother’s death; I was just sad to see my father like that.
ㅤ
ㅤI was told that my father deeply loved my mother, who had been his fiancée since childhood. It’s been almost twenty years since she passed away, but he never took another wife, not even a concubine. Some people apparently criticized him for not having other children, but he rejected them all. I now have three cousins, so in the end, it turned out alright even if something were to happen to me, but I heard from my wet nurse that even without them, my father had no intention of having more children.
ㅤ
ㅤHealing magic exists in this country. But it’s not a cure-all. For example, it can reattach a severed arm in an instant, but it can’t regrow a lost arm. Its effectiveness depends not only on the caster’s magical power, but also on the recipient’s physical strength and capacity to receive magical power, so it’s less effective on illnesses that are discovered late or on people who lack physical strength or capacity from the beginning.
ㅤ
ㅤMy mother, who was frail from birth, exhausted her strength during childbirth, and healing magic was less effective on her. My father summoned all the magicians in the country and did everything he could, but she passed away. When I finally understood this, I wondered if I had been the cause of her death, but no one around me ever said such a thing. Of course, my father didn’t either.
ㅤ
ㅤThat day, in the dimly lit room, my father, who was slumped over, shedding tears, and calling out to my mother, noticed me and weakly reached out his hand. I remember being embraced with such weak force that even a child could have pushed him away, and staying like that for a long time. I fell asleep at some point, and when I woke up, my father was back to his usual self, and he continued to love me as he had when my mother was alive.
ㅤ
ㅤFor me, love is something to be shared widely. It’s both a duty and an escape. Because loving someone special brings back the memory of that dark time.
ㅤ
ㅤAnd yet.
ㅤ
ㅤ”……Your Highness.”
ㅤ”……”
ㅤ”Your Highness.”
ㅤ”Ah, yes, sorry. What was it?”
ㅤ”Your hand has stopped moving.”
ㅤ
ㅤJoshua, who let out an exaggerated sigh, stood up and suggested we take a break. He’s going to call the maids to prepare tea. This is the third time since this morning that I’ve been told my hand has stopped moving, so I feel a little apologetic.
ㅤ
ㅤ”I never thought the day would come when you’d be lovesick.”
ㅤ”L-Lovesick?! That’s not……Well……”
ㅤ
ㅤI couldn’t say it wasn’t. Because my aide, Joshua, who is also my foster brother and who quickly dismissed the maids, had said what I was thinking myself. My father never actively sought marriage proposals for me, and I took advantage of that and remained unattached until this age, but as a member of the royal family, I knew I had to settle down eventually. I didn’t think it would be a hardship; I thought I would simply build a safe relationship with a safe partner.
ㅤ
ㅤAnd yet, here I am, with my head filled with thoughts of someone all day long. I’m worried about her safety as she heads into battle, I’m restless wanting to know more about her, I keep checking the clock, and then I space out, unable to focus on anything. I know it’s strange. This feeling, which makes my blood rush many times faster than ever before, is it this uncontrollable?
ㅤ
ㅤ”It’s been three days since the Saint’s party departed. They should be arriving at the village soon.”
ㅤ”Yes.”
ㅤ
ㅤI hope they return safely. I’m frustrated that all I can do is pray.
ㅤ
ㅤ”Why don’t you invite her to dinner when she returns?”
ㅤ”Don’t be ridiculous…….She has a fiancé, doesn’t she?”
ㅤ”Oswald?”
ㅤ
ㅤHis name was famous. It was said that he was the most outstanding magician in decades, or even centuries, and he became the head of the Court Magicians at the youngest age ever. He was exceptional in both skill and magical power, and on top of that, he was said to have a good personality. I’ve spoken to him a few times; he always had a calm smile, and he was indeed a humble, gentle, and kind person. At the same time, he was also the type whose true feelings were hard to read. He never lied in front of me, at least, but I felt like he was just skillfully evading the truth.
ㅤ
ㅤ”If you insist, you can make it happen.”
ㅤ”I can’t do that.”
ㅤ”You can.”
ㅤ
ㅤAs Joshua says, casually sipping his tea, I could probably break off their engagement if I wanted to. I could even become Lily’s fiancé after that. I could do it if I wanted to, but I don’t want to.
ㅤ
ㅤ”My feelings might not be love, and……”
ㅤ”With the way you’re acting?”
ㅤ”Ugh……No, well, how should I put it……I don’t know her well.”
ㅤ
ㅤWhat attracted me was her straightforward affection and the strength that came from it. Her confident smile. I can’t selfishly tear her away from her fiancé without knowing anything about her. I want to get to know her, but I might end up disliking her if I do.
ㅤ
ㅤ”I think it’s alright to at least try to get to know her.”
ㅤ”It’s fine.”
ㅤ
ㅤIt’s fine. I’m more afraid of falling even more deeply in love with her if I get to know her than I am of disliking her. I don’t want to take her away from someone else either.
ㅤ
ㅤ”I’m such a coward.”
ㅤ”……I think you’re just kind. Now, let’s get back to work.”
ㅤ”You’re so strict, Joshua.”
ㅤ
ㅤLooking at the mountain of documents on my desk, I think I’ll be spared the pain of heartbreak. It’s probably easier to live if my feelings wither away before I wish for them to blossom.