Ch 195: I am Yang Zhan, formerly the Star of the Police Force

Yang Zhan stood still, for a long time, until sunset, the sun stretching his shadow long.

The sun is fair; everyone can bask in its light, yet some places remain untouched by its powerful presence.

Those people treated the matter as something utterly commonplace.

They didn’t even feel the passing of the young man’s life; it was like killing a chicken—no regret, not even the effort of burying the body.

Yang Zhan’s mobile phone buzzed. He took it out, a smile on his face as he sent a message.

Then, he put the phone back in his pocket and picked up the charred young man.

The young man was light, as light as a goose feather, yet he was also heavy, heavy enough to make Yang Zhan’s heart pound.

The young man’s face was blackened, but through the bone structure, Yang Zhan vaguely saw the stubborn young man again.

Step by step, slowly and calmly, Yang Zhan walked to the seaside, carrying the young man all the way to the Sea.

Knees, abdomen, neck, head, until the Sea completely submerged them both.

In Yang Zhan’s eyes, the young man turned into light and merged directly into the Sea. The Sea reflected a golden afterglow, but in Yang Zhan’s eyes, the Sea before him was a bottomless abyss.

His body felt heavy, sinking steadily into the depths of the Sea. He wanted to move, but couldn’t, couldn’t at all; his body felt as heavy as lead.

“Who… am I?”

Yang Zhan murmured to himself, the deepest memories buried in his heart peeled open.

My name is Yang Zhan. I am 15 years old. I am an orphan, a street thug with yellow hair.

The yellow-haired young man flooded Yang Zhan’s mind; the memory played repeatedly in his head.

He was an orphan, with no father or mother, and no one was willing to take him in. For survival, he had to become a thief.

Once, he stole something valuable, but he didn’t know it, so he sold it cheaply.

Later, he was caught. Thinking he was a minor, he tried to act recklessly.

But that time, those people were going to beat him to death, but when he was about to die, a police officer saved him.

That police officer saved him from death and used his meager salary to pay off his debts.

He always influenced me. Whenever I wanted to steal something, he would stop me, like a nagging old father.

I didn’t understand, and didn’t want to understand, why he always stopped me. I had no grievance with him, so why did he always target me?

I hated him, I resented him, so I often tormented him, but he didn’t mind; he even used his meager salary to treat me to meals and take me out to play.

A ray of light shone into my unfamiliar world, directly onto me.

But, even though that light was warm, I still disliked him. I was still mischievous, always mischievous.

But I… I really hated him, hated him leaving me, hated him not talking to me, not sleeping in my arms.

I hated him, and more so, I hated myself. I killed the person I loved most, I lost him.

Until that moment, you were always cheerfully telling me, “Don’t be sad, smile, help many, many people.”

You always kept saying “do my best” to teach me. I found it annoying, a pain.

I laughed at him, pitifully foolish. You helped so many people, but who helped you?

When you died before me, I cried, I begged for help, but no one helped me, because in their eyes, I was hopeless.

They all looked down on me, but in my youth I knew, I didn’t hate them, I hated my ignorant youth, I hated my helplessness.

I broke free from the cage that imprisoned me; I tore and smashed those cages, going to a wider world.

I was extremely talented, something not easily achieved by ordinary people. Others needed a day to learn something, I only needed two minutes.

I got into the Police Academy. In just a few years, I broke countless academy records, becoming someone many looked up to.

I graduated and joined the Police Force. Others took three or four years to get tenure, but I only needed three days.

I transformed from a wanted thief into the Star of the Police Force.

In just a few years, I solved countless cases and, with my reckless courage and extraordinary talent, climbed to a high position, a place unattainable to ordinary people.

I always remembered your words, I remember them clearly.

“Do my best.”

I always listened to you, achieved my justice, but I don’t know if you would see me now.

I worked in the Police Force for many years, helping many people.

Did you see, Master? The thief who was once beaten up, the young man you saved, became who you hoped he would be.

Those who once looked down on me were now like lapdogs, fawning over me, asking for my help.

Though I felt disgusted, I never dared to forget what you said.

I worked for many years, and I married a woman who loved me. My wife’s name is Xi’er, and she gave birth to a little daughter named Xiao Hua.

One day, a new recruit joined the Police Force. This recruit was incredibly talented, surpassing even my records from the Police Academy.

At that moment, when I saw him, I realized I was old.

The young man was my fan; upon meeting me, he was so excited and thrilled that he eagerly became my little brother, and I couldn’t get rid of him.

I saw my younger self in him, a younger me, but he was better than me, more excellent.

But, do you know, Master? My pressure in the Police Force has been immense, increasingly so.

The justice you spoke of, it’s surrounded by much darkness. I’m gradually being eroded by this pressure; everyone thinks I’m an oddity, everyone thinks I’m rigid.

But my wife and my little brother, they’ve always supported me.

I know, Master, or rather, Father, I’m so tired. How long can one person persevere? I never dared to forget.

My wife supports me, but I see weariness and sadness on her face.

My child says I’m the best dad, yet she always locks herself in her room, wondering why she can’t go to school.

I know what this is. It’s the result of the justice I’ve pursued.

My child is growing up, and I’m in a high position, yet I can’t even give my child a chance to go to school because they use it to threaten me.

They restrict me in various ways, trying to drag me into the abyss with unorthodox methods.

I won’t be easily defeated, I won’t give up easily.

But Father, when one has attachments, one has constraints. I can’t let my persistence cause those I love to suffer.

I’ve fallen into the abyss. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…