Chapter 87: She Doesn’t Blame You
Because she was young, she didn’t pay much attention to it then. Today, hearing Lu Zhenping mention it, she realized: Bai Shuyun, such a remarkable woman, how could her son be any different!
Lu Changzhu scolded Liu Sanjin, then sat back down on the wooden stool. His old man’s pipe was re-lit. Suddenly, he felt much older. His gaze fell upon his hands holding the pipe stem; the crevices between his fingers were dark and filthy, just like himself.
Bai Shuyun was so good, like a fairy. Everyone in the ten-mile radius admired her. But she treated everyone equally, no one different in her eyes. He, too, cherished a love for her, and once thought he might be different, that her gaze might linger on him.
Despite the pre-arranged marriage, despite the impending wedding, he was still hopelessly in love with her. Lu Changzhu felt a little embarrassed and coughed twice.
That night, after Bai Shuyun left, he pondered and followed her. He thought, how could a fairy descend to earth? Such a wonderful woman shouldn’t have to endure hardship. He followed her without ulterior motives, just wanting to say goodbye, to share his feelings. He wanted a chance to speak with her alone, a memory to cherish forever.
But he didn’t expect that when he followed her, he saw a scene that made his eyes widen with horror. One man held Bai Shuyun down, covering her mouth; another was hurriedly unbuttoning his trousers.
He didn’t have time to think. He picked up a stone from the ground and hit each of them on the back of the neck with a “Peng Peng.” Then, he dragged Bai Shuyun and ran. They hadn’t gone far when he heard the shuffling of footsteps behind them.
He could only hide with Bai Shuyun in the bushes deep within the woods, intently watching for anyone to emerge, when Bai Shuyun’s hand clasped around his neck.
“I… I’ve been given a wicked medicine. Please save me!”
Those words, laced with a gasp, snapped the tension in his mind. He immediately embraced Bai Shuyun and kissed her. But after a while, he abruptly pushed her away.
What kind of man am I? What place is this? If I were to truly take advantage of Bai Shuyun, it would ruin her life, condemning her to this impoverished corner of the world. Years later, she would be no different from the gossiping old women at the village entrance.
His remaining sanity made him push Bai Shuyun away and take her to a deeper part of the woods, to a puddle. He pushed her in, watching as his beloved cried and begged. Finally, he couldn’t help himself.
Afterwards, he completely forgot about the idea of bringing her back to the city. Looking at the woman in his arms, he even envisioned a happy future together, until she woke up, until Liu Sanjin came shouting after them, and only then did he snap out of his reverie.
Lu Zhenping arrived at the old courtyard, going straight to Liu Sanjin and Lu Changzhu’s room. He pulled up a stool and sat opposite Lu Changzhu. For a time, no one spoke.
Liu Sanjin couldn’t bear the silence. She coughed, saying, “Oldest brother, what brings you here? Didn’t Third Brother bring the money?”
Lu Zhenping listened, then felt his pockets. Suddenly, he remembered that the cigarette he’d smoked back at home was his last. He sighed, and looked at Liu Sanjin.
“Old lady, do you think it’s appropriate for me to still call you mother?”
These words laid bare everything. Lu Changzhu and Liu Sanjin’s faces turned pale.
“Oldest brother, what do you mean? Mother raised you all these years. How could you not call me mother? Did someone tell you something? Some wicked person trying to stir up trouble between us? Is it your wife who said that? I told you, she’s a troublemaker, she doesn’t want our family to be happy. You should teach her a lesson, or she’ll spoil our grandchildren.!”
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“Shen Meng is kind to the children, and she teaches them well. They’re happier than I was as a child. Don’t say such things anymore. I don’t like to hear them.”
Lu Changzhu was furious. He stood up, pacing back and forth, then pointing at Lu Zhenping and yelling.
“You don’t like to hear it? You hear too much that you don’t like! You scoundrel! Mother raised you all these years, no matter how much effort, you just see that your birth mother is doing well and want to curry favor with her? Don’t blame me for not warning you, you’re not cut out for it. You’re my son, but your birth mother doesn’t look down on you. What about your wife? She’s always running to the county seat, sending the children to school, and even studying with them. What does she want? To run away! You’re always serving in the military, how often are you home? If I don’t teach her a lesson today, who knows where she’ll run off to with some rogue man, leaving you a lonely old man with a few children? You good-for-nothing!”
He yelled fiercely, his anger directed at both Shen Meng and Lu Zhenping, as if pouring out all his resentment. He didn’t dare yell at Bai Shuyun, sometimes he felt as if he had wronged her. Every time he saw Lu Zhenping, he regretted not holding on to Bai Shuyun, perhaps she would recover. Then he would be Bai Shuyun’s savior, and would be able to see her again.
But now, after all these years, they’ve only met once!
“Father, you’re right. Bai Shuyun is doing very well and is happy. I’ve seen her and spoken with her. Father, over these years, she doesn’t blame you. She even appreciates you. Without you, she wouldn’t know what she would have faced. She doesn’t regret giving birth to me. But I want to ask you, did you truly have no ulterior motives back then?”
Lu Changzhu was stunned for a moment, first overjoyed, then surprised.
Did he have no ulterior motives?
Lu Changzhu had never reflected on himself, but facing his son’s gaze, he felt guilty and averted his eyes. A rose grows on a cliffside, about to be battered by the wind and rain. He plucked it, but does he not want to put it in his own vase?
Lu Zhenping saw the look on his father’s face, and instantly understood. Initially, Lu Changzhu might have genuinely wanted to save Bai Shuyun, but under her constant pleas, he wavered, even began to think he had no choice. It was best to let things happen, to have them together, and if she returned to the city, to bring him along.
But Bai Shuyun left.
This dashed Lu Changzhu’s hopes for a happy life, turning his disappointment into resentment. And that resentment, upon seeing Lu Zhenping, turned into resentment towards him.
He didn’t want to delve deeper. This was the grievance of the previous generation. He used to feel life was pointless, but now it was different. He felt his life would be different from now on.
“No more words. I don’t want to hear any more. I don’t care about Bai Shuyun sending you money. I won’t stop the monthly three yuan for your support. From now on, let’s just muddle through. Don’t bother Shen Meng and the children anymore. This is my warning.”
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